Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

Why do teens lie—and how can you respond without making the situation worse?

In this Office Hours episode, Dr. Lisa Damour answers YOUR questions about lying, honesty, and trust. She explains why kids may lie to cover a mistake, avoid a task that feels hard, or claim more privacy—and why a lie doesn’t define who your child is or will become.

You’ll hear answers to questions like:


How do you approach your teen when you know they’ve lied?



What if you’re not sure they’re telling the truth?



How can you rebuild trust after a lie?



How should honesty connect to your teen’s freedom?




Dr. Damour shares how to address dishonesty without turning the conversation into a courtroom battle: focus on what got in the way of telling the truth, help your teen make things right, and connect trustworthiness with greater freedom over time. No perfect parenting speech required.

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.



Haim Ginott on lying

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Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠⁠

________________



Today's sponsors:

Hey Polo: Try HeyPolo free for 14 days and get up to 70% off at https://www.heypolo.com/asklisa 

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Shopify: Sign up for your free trial today at ⁠https://www.shopify.com/asklisa⁠

Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts.

________________



Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more.

Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play.



________________



Episode keywords: what to do when your child lies, teen lying to parents, tween lying, why kids lie, how to handle a lying teenager, how to rebuild trust after a child lies, child lying about homework, teen lying about where they went, how to get teens to tell the truth, parenting a dishonest child, kids lying to avoid consequences, teen honesty and trust, what to say when your teen lies



Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, lisa damour, dr lisa damour, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting help, family dynamics, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence, emotional lives of parents, parent wellbeing, parental mental health, parenting stress, parent self-care, parent burnout, parenting emotions, lisa damour book, the emotional lives of parents, parenting experts, child psychologist, parenting research, evidence-based parenting, voicing change media
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Your teen has asked to be picked up from school early again, and you already know why: they spent lunch hiding in the bathroom, and now they’re dreading tomorrow before today is even over.

You’re heartbroken watching your teen hurt, and then the second-guessing kicks in: is rescuing your teen helping, or is it actually making things harder? That’s an exhausting place to be, and it makes sense when parents get there.

Here’s the thing: teens are often dealing with real adolescent social worries, but avoidance makes anxiety worse. Every early pickup brings instant relief and takes away a chance to practice facing our fears, so going to school feels even scarier the next time. Dr. Meredith Elkins walks us through how to tell a painful-but-normal rough patch from clinical anxiety that takes over a teen’s life (hint: look at distress, duration, and how much it’s getting in the way).

And no, you don’t need your teen to sit down with a therapist tomorrow to fix the situation. We talk about getting guidance from someone who knows anxiety, stepping away from the accommodations that stoke the anxiety, and helping your teen build confidence one doable step at a time. The bottom line: You’re a lot less powerless than you may feel.

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Meredith Elkins is a clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School faculty member who researches and treats anxiety in children and families, co-directs the McLean Anxiety Mastery Program at McLean Hospital, and is the author of Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids.



Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids

The SPACE Program, developed at the Yale Child Study Center

More on independence-focused therapy: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38901131/

________________

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________Today's sponsors:

Jones Road Beauty:  Use the code ASKLISA for a free full sized Mascara with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠.

Shokz: Use code ASKLISA for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products at https://www.shokz.com.com

Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts.\

Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at ⁠https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠⁠________________



Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more.

Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play.



________________



Episode keywords: teen anxiety help, teen school anxiety, teen school refusal, school avoidance in teens, teen social anxiety, teen has no friends, lonely teenager, teen afraid to go to school, anxious teen won’t go to therapy, how to help an anxious teenager, anxiety treatment for teens, exposure therapy for teen anxiety, parent accommodation anxiety, teen anxiety at school, teenager hiding at school, teen avoiding school lunch



Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, lisa damour, dr lisa damour, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting help, family dynamics, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence, emotional lives of parents, parent wellbeing, parental mental health, parenting stress, parent self-care, parent burnout, parenting emotions, lisa damour book, the emotional lives of parents, parenting experts, child psychologist, parenting research, evidence-based parenting, voicing change media
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A lot of us grew up believing the hard way is the better way, so when our kids struggle (or we do), we assume that the answer is to exert more effort. That can leave you feeling like you’re failing at something you “should” be able to power through.

Wearing yourself out trying to push a tween or teen toward better habits is one of the most common, and most exhausting, parts of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

Even world-class athletes don’t achieve their goals on willpower alone. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who has spent her career studying grit, explains that they set up their surroundings to make the work easier. Teens are especially attuned to the norms around them, so the school, peers, and neighborhood can play a powerful role in shaping their behavior .

That means you have more say than you think. Dr. Lisa and Angela talk about doing what you can to shape the environment around your teen and why working to create contexts that make hard work easier to do is smart, not lazy. Consider this your permission to stop doing everything the hard way.

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Angela Duckworth is the Rosa Lee and Egbert Chang Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Grit.



Situated: Find the People and Places that Bring Out Your Best

________________ 



GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠⁠

________________



Today's sponsors:

Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10.

Shokz: Use code ASKLISA for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products at https://www.shokz.com.com

Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts.

Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at ⁠https://www.WarbyParker.com/ASKLISA ⁠⁠




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Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement), Sutton debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton), and Bancorp debit flex card (https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp). Savings provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.


________________



Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more.

Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play.



________________



Episode keywords: Angela Duckworth, grit, situated, parenting tweens and teens, how to help teenagers make good choices, teen behavior and environment, choosing the right school for your teen, school culture and teen wellbeing, teen peer pressure, helping teens find positive friends, how to support an anxious teenager, preventing bullying at school, building healthy habits for teens, parenting teenagers with less conflict, adolescent development and social norms, how neighborhoods affect kids’ wellbeing



Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your seventh grader walks in the door in tears because the group chat just made it painfully clear she’s being pushed out (this time, over Halloween costumes), and now you're wondering whether to coach her on what to say or stay quiet so you don't make it worse.

Here’s the good news: this is a typical - if painful - experience in middle school and early high school. Friendships and social standing get reshuffled as kids test out independence and figure out where they belong. At the same time, the pause-and-think skills that can help them handle tricky group dynamics are still under construction (and it doesn’t help that the group chat moves fast!). Dr. Tori Cordiano walks us through why costume conflict can feel so painful and why it’s often a window into bigger social shifts.

You'll come away with guidance on how to offer effective support: from taking the hurt seriously, to asking if your teen wants to vent or problem-solve, to helping your teen figure out next steps. This is also a perfect moment to help our kids pause before posting and exit a harmful chat without losing face. You don't have to fix it; being the steady person at home is already a big part of the job.

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.

Dr. Tori Cordiano is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, and writer specializing in child and adolescent development. In her private practice, she provides comprehensive evaluations, parent consultation, and psychotherapy, alongside a virtual course for parents on executive functioning and a regular newsletter. Dr. Cordiano also serves as a consulting psychologist and Co-Director of the Center for Research for Girls at Laurel School.

More about Dr. Tori Cordiano’s work: https://www.drtoricordiano.com/



 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________



Today's sponsors:

Oak Essentials: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at ⁠https://www.Oakessentials.com.

Orion Sleep: Get 15% off your next purchase at ⁠https://www.OrionSleep.com/AskLisa.

Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts.Wayfair: Visit ⁠⁠https://wayfair.com⁠.

________________



Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more.

Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play.

________________



Episode keywords: middle school friendship drama, tween left out by friends, daughter excluded from friend group, how to help a child feel left out, seventh grade friendship problems, tween girl friendship issues, Halloween group costume drama, kids arguing over Halloween costumes, middle school group chat drama, how to handle tween group chat conflict, helping tweens navigate friendship changes, parenting social conflict in middle school, supporting a child without fixing the problem



Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're thinking about signing your kid up for a travel-heavy club team with a price tag that makes you wince - and a co-parent who sees the whole thing differently. Might saying yes to club sports support your talented kid while undermining the rest of family life?

It's a miserable spot to be in. We don’t want to hold our kids back, but we also worry about what club sports might cost our families in terms of time, money, and togetherness. 

The good news: our kids are still figuring out who they are, what they’re good at, and what they love. Their enjoyment and motivation matter far more than locking into one path early, and that gives you more room than the sports world tends to admit.

Three-time Olympian and mom of three Lauren Regula joins Lisa to talk about how her family has handled the challenges that come with today’s youth sports landscape. You'll learn how to figure out what level of play fits your kid and your family, how to set boundaries before the sports schedule takes over your calendar, and how to protect time for other interests and family time. 

Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Lauren Bay Regula is a three-time Olympian and bronze medalist with Softball Canada, speaker, coach and a mom of three young athletes.



Lauren’s programs & speaking: https://strongmomstrongfam.com/

________________ 



GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠⁠

________________



Today's sponsors:

Jones Road Beauty:  Use the code ASKLISA for a free full sized Mascara with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠.

Momentous: Get up to 35% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠

OneSkin: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at ⁠https://www.oneskin.co/ASKLISA⁠.

________________



Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more.

Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play.

________________



Episode keywords: youth sports pressure, club sports for kids, travel sports pros and cons, is club soccer worth it, choosing a youth sports team, balancing sports and family time, parenting a talented young athlete, youth sports burnout, sports parent pressure, kids sports time commitment, expensive youth sports, letting kids quit sports, keeping kids motivated in sports, multi-sport athletes, healthy boundaries in youth sports, college sports recruiting pressure



Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices